#*& | ryan

[avalxns]

RYJACOBS POSTED A PHOTO TO INSTAGRAM

↳ “missing her front teeth but still cuter than ever. #nova”

[avalxns]

starter for @devilxwithin based on this :(

it was a normal day. ryan hadn’t done anything she wouldn’t usually do, except maybe pick up an extra donut with her tea that morning. they were always just normal days. she’d just carried nova to bed from where she’d fallen asleep on the sofa whilst the two of them watched annie for what felt like the millionth time. plugging in her phone, she hit shuffle on her music and started pottering around the living room, cleaning up toys and such from the floor. she’d just grabbed onto a cushion when it happened. she’d recognise the opening notes to that song anywhere. it may have been five years since she’d last heard it, but that didn’t mean her heart didn’t stop. the last time had been in a hospital room, holding her now late wife as she rested from yet another round of chemo. her breath hitched in her throat and she squeezed the cushion hard. flooding her head were memories of the two of them. they’d been so happy. the universe ripped jamie away from her and now suddenly ryan was right back to that pain she’d felt in her chest as she clung onto her wife’s body after she’d flatlined. she dropped to the floor, narrowly missing the coffee table. she drew the cushion and her knees to her chest and allowed herself to breakdown --- something she hadn’t done in almost a year.

[avalxns]

i just had an angsty ass headcanon,,,,, like after putting nova to sleep, ryan starts playing some soft quiet music while she’s tidying up the living room,,, you by keaton henson comes on and her heart almost stops :/// she hasn’t heard this song since a few weeks before jamie (her late wife) passed away,,,, she can’t help the tears that soon cloud her vision as she grasps onto something, anything, to try and ground her. suddenly memories are flooding her mind, both good and bad and she’s brought back to that pain she felt when she lost her wife. it’s been months and months --- close to a year even she had really allowed herself to break down at the thought of the deceased and now all she can do is curl up into a ball on the ground, still clutching whatever it was to her chest as she sobs.

[avalxns]

one thing that ryan loved to do when she wasn’t busy with work, was spending time with her girlfriend --- but having a six year old often made it difficult for them to make time for just the three of them. that’s why the speech therapist had taken the afternoon off so that they could have some quality time together. upon hearing the door open and close, a grin was tugging at her lips. “alright --- so nova’s staying over at my sister’s which means we have all night to just, i don’t know, relax? i’ve got a few movies queued up on netflix and i figured we could order takeout or something?” @warriorveined

[avalxns]

somewhat angsty head canon (???) that nova is like the spitting image of jessie even though she wasn’t her biological child and sometimes when ryan looks at her she is overwhelmed by the resemblance to her late wife... sometimes it’s a nice feeling and other times she has to shake it off to keep up a brave face for her daughter.

[avalxns]

while ryan had a lot of friends, her circle of close friends wasn’t all that large and even then not a lot of them would come over to her apartment. ayda, however, was the exception. renae had come by about ten minutes ago to drop of a gourmet meal (perks of having a renowned chef for a sister) and pick up nova. she had a childfree apartment for the night. she heard the knock just as she was finishing tidying up the place from where her six year old had trashed the living room with toys. quickly, the redhead made her way to the door. a grin toyed at her lips as she pulled it open. “hey, you. — i swear i was just going to order pizza, but renae had leftovers from the restaurant so i’ll actually be treating you to a proper meal tonight.”  @devilxwithin​

[avalxns]

at the sound of a knock at the door, ryan cursed under her breath. the other was actually right on time --- but the redhead was running behind schedule. “one minute!” she called out, running a hand through her hair and pressing a kiss to nova’s forehead before running to open the door. “hey, love --- sorry for the wait. the little one was supposed to be in bed already but she’s under the weather, meaning she’s extra cranky and hard to put to sleep.” she explained, her nose crinkling. ryan stepped aside, allowing the other to enter the apartment. “i think she’s finally out though. so, perfect timing.” @nightdrifters